6 dysfunctional relationships Hollywood tries to pass off as “True Love"

By Alex Beighton

Love is something that has plagued our screens and dominated Hollywood as a subject matter for as long as cinema has been around. As a result of this, directors and screen writers have warped our sense of romance from the cheesiest romantic comedy to passionate kisses in front of explosions and/or on the top of high buildings. Because of this, I compiled my top 6 relationships in films that lead me to wonder afterwards, “how the hell did they end up together?”

*WARNING, THIS LIST IS LITTERED WITH SPOILERS, IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE FILM, SKIP IT* 

6. Andrew Clark and Allison Reynolds - The Breakfast Club (1985)

          “The Breakfast club” is considered to be one of the most iconic teen movies of all time and on a level I would agree with that, however the formed relationship between Andrew and Allison at the end of the film can hardly be considered a functional one. At the start Allison is positioned as the disgusting freak that no one wishes to talk to and Andrew is the athlete with an inbuilt filter on who he talks to because of his social status. However despite their differences the characters in the end get together and it’s all happily ever after on a Saturday evening because they love each other despite their differences, right? Wrong. It’s only after Allison COMPLETELY changes the way she looks/dresses that Andrew even takes a second glance. So moral of the story is children, if you want the popular boy to like you, you have to completely change the way you act/dress and become the identical version of a girl more popular than you are. Cynical? Maybe. True? Unfortunately so.

5. Vivian Ward and Edward Lewis - Pretty Woman (1990)

Boy meets girl. Boy falls in love with girl. Boy realizes he is unable to have a functional relationship with her so goes driving about in the middle of the night, finds prostitute and falls madly in love with the prostitute with a  “heart of gold” and the 500 watt smile and ultimately live happily ever after. Not your usual fairy tale story but hey, even the film acknowledges that in the final scene up the fire escape so that’s okay right? The message behind this, as Hollywood loves to include in most romantic comedies, is that yes, the woman is loveable as long as she can completely change her personality and accept the makeover so she is a new person. The idea of “Yes, Cinderella can go to the ball as long as she wears the big dress and lets the prince take her.” Also it seems that Vivien is capable of doing anything she pleases as long as she is armed by Edward’s credit card. Don’t get me wrong when I say the “cheesy romantic comedy” feel to the film can come off as endearing, however I find it also comes across as incredibly patronizing. By the end of the film she is financially dependent upon Edward as well as being morphed into this “new woman that is acceptable in society.”

4. Batman and Catwoman - The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

A romance with a foundation of repeatedly stealing from each other (she’s a jewel thief, what did you expect?), as well as consistently lying to one another throughout the entire time of their sordid love affair. It’s only natural that these two are “destined to be together.” But apart from the evident sexual tension between the two of them, Batman still finds the time to sleep around with Miranda during and, let’s face it, probably after if she did not then intend to blow up Gotham City because that’s often considered a turn off. Also has everyone conveniently forgotten about his sort of girlfriend Rachel who recently died?  That was seemingly too easily pushed aside by Anne Hathaway’s thigh high latex boots. The only things in common the two characters seem to have is a knack for lying and a fondness for tight leather/ latex clothing which a strong relationship does not make.

3. Jack and Rose - Titanic/Titanic 3D (1997/2012)

There are many things that could be considered to be incredibly unlikely/dysfunctional between these two as James Cameron displays their romance on the big screen and then displays it again in the later years for twice the money but this time in 3D for anyone that wishes to see a tragic love affair or Kate Winslet’s breasts in 3D. Firstly, for someone positioned to be a tragic peasant, Leonardo Di Caprio is far too sexy and most of all, clean. Also, when the couple first meet she is trying to kill herself, does that not scream dysfunctional to begin with? A beautiful vagrant and a spoiled princess with a death wish aren’t often positioned to have the healthiest of relationships but let’s go along with Cameron for the time being. They then form a bond on Jack’s passion for life and Rose’s clear boredom of life which only leads me to think, "Jack is completely destitute, why doesn't he slap Rose when all she does is complain about how hard her life is?" Surely that must get awfully tiring after the first time? However I think the scene in the car could be argued as reason enough for Jack to listen through the whining. Final point being, one that we were all left thinking, if she REALLY loved him…WHY DIDN’T SHE LET HIM ON THE RAFT? IT WAS CLEARLY BIG ENOUGH FOR TWO. Also if someone gives you a diamond, you do NOT throw it into the ocean, just my own personal view.

2. Belle and Beast - Beauty and the Beast (1991)

Okay, I get that true love breaks the curse and all that, that all makes sense. BUT, and I hate to criticize a Disney film in any way *heavy sarcasm implied*, surely if she loved him when he was a furry beast creature, Belle must have a certain “fetish” that human Beast cannot satisfy as a “man”. I mean, yes, a beard is attractive on a man, but I do not think Belle is looking for a “man” to satisfy her needs. Yes true love comes in all shapes and sizes, but really Disney? I think Belle has her own issues with relationships and her personal preferences (sorry to crush anyone’s childhood dreams/memories). Also, the main starting point in their relationship was when he forces her to live with him by emotionally blackmailing her? Call me old fashioned but emotional blackmail isn't something I consider to be a healthy romance. 

1. Bella and Edward - Twilight (2008)

When writing this list, this was the couple that appeared the most when I asked people “What is the most dysfunctional portrayal of love in films you have seen?”, Bella and Edward from Twilight. Oh dear. Too much to say, too little time. First of all, the romance starts when he pretty much stalks her but the logic being “He’s pretty so it’s okay.” Regardless of someone’s physical appearance, if I found someone watching me sleep at the end of my bed I would not find it romantic but instead more of the “scream like a mad woman and call the police” scenario. But hey, maybe my views on love are old fashioned and not up to date. I just never realized the definition of stalking was changed to “an expression of one’s true love” rather than “harass someone with unwanted and obsessive attention.”

 Also his main reason for his love is that he can’t resist the way she smells. So the relationship ignores Bella’s awkward/boring/frigid personality to base their relationship on by instead focusing on the fact that he wants to eat her. Yet again, correct me if I’m wrong, but I usually base my romantic feelings towards someone on their personality rather than their smell, otherwise I would date a cheese sandwich. Also before this film, I never realized just how much love can translate through two people staring at each other with a blue filter over the top of the scene whilst orchestral music plays in the background, and the answer is not a lot. This film was also the inspiration for 50 Shades of Grey. That is reason enough to completely disregard this couple as entirely dysfunctional and pity anyone’s warped sense of romance because of it, because infatuation to the point of obsession is not love.

What did you think of this list? Do you agree or disagree with any of my picks? Leave a comment or tweet me your opinion @girls0nfilm.